July 19, 2009

been gone a long time

its a cool night here tonight.
the storm has hovered in our general direction all night and I don't want the weekend to end.
my favorite part about the weekend is that it seems never ending, and yet it always does.

my ac is off.
i am happy for that, for the time being
my tea has gone cold, and i am having an old lady moment wishing i had a cup warmer nuzzling my tea like a fleece blanket.

i am wishing to be sitting on a blanket watching the moon over the ocean.
my favorite adolescent pasttime.

i am feeling 32.
i am dreading 33.
i am wondering about 35 and if those goals i have been trying to accomplish for the past 10 years will ever come to fruition.

i find myself reading more and liking and missing it all at the same time.
i find myself talking to myself, in my head, like a book is read and it is annoying.
and yet i want to write, but have nothing to say.

i want to hole up in a french apartment with bougainvillea's climbing my terrace and sipping tea with an old antique type writer snapping away.
i want a day job that requires me to wear an apron and know very little french.
i want to be Collete.

i am so silly and stupid headed sometimes but i am ready for my next book, my next escape.
i can't be a gypsy in the real world anymore, for a while at least - but I can be in my books.

tada.

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