New Year Post continued

I love Ali Edwards. Probably more than I should, I envy her life quite a bit because to me it seems like she has it all. You know? Like a comfortable house, wonderful husband, a great career. She is a fantastic mother, daughter, friend, and sister. She is successful and down to earth. She is also very humble.

So, I am in love with those qualities and wish for my life to be the same. On her blog, she wanted to know what our word for 2009 would be that would be the word to live by or represent us. One Little Word

For 2009, I chose Honesty.
Dictionary.com; (noun)

1.	the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2.	truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3.	freedom from deceit or fraud.

and honest; (adj)

1. Marked by or displaying integrity; upright: an honest lawyer.
2. Not deceptive or fraudulent; genuine: honest weight.
3. Equitable; fair: honest wages for an honest day's work.
4. 1. Characterized by truth; not false: honest reporting.
   2. Sincere; frank: an honest critique.
   3. Of good repute; respectable.
   4. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
5. 1. Of good repute; respectable.
   2. Without affectation; plain: honest folk.
6. Virtuous; chaste.

But what does this mean for me? Why honesty? Why do I need to be honest? Am I a liar? Not intentionally, but I think I have lied to myself and thus lie to those around me.

I'm spending a lot of money to do a degree in order to get money. Is it something I am happy about, no. Is it a sacrifice, yes. Will I reap rewards from it, yes. But only that in money, not in pleasure.

This year I am going to live honestly. I am going to make sure that I am honest to myself first and foremost and if I find it hard then I have to examine why.

I have used this blog for years to journal my thoughts whether I have someone who pays attention or not, I journal it. Though I secretly wish I had followers.

I'm an avid idea lifter but have never given credit to those deserving. I also want to be an avid scrapper and have invested time and money into doing it, but have never really accomplished anything from it. I call myself a cellist, but haven't been able to play in years - mostly because of procrastination. I am way way way overweight and seem to have settled in, but still hating the way I look day after day without real gumption to actually do anything about it. There are many things I wish to be but can't force myself to get there. Even now, I shouldn't be forcing anything, but if I have to force it then I must not really want it.

I am not at a place where I am at peace. I want peace, and so the only thing I can do is to live honestly.