Is it possible...

Is it possible that I may or could or will be happier in another 'life'?

I have some great things going for me;
1. gotta pretty good job with wonderful benefits
2. closer to my goal of a design/artsy degree
3. have benefits
4. will be filing for my husband to come over here and live


But I hate it where I live. Is the grass always greener?
I am a traveling freak. I want to live everywhere I can't; with my husband in the UK, preferably Nottingham, In York PA near some dear friends, in Detroit (Oak Park) where it seems to be booming with something that I want - culture, Seattle - for its ultimate laid-back hippystyle coolness, San Francisco cuz it looks like a place I would live, Vancouver Canadia - cuz it is like Seattle and it is still considered European.

When I grew up, I remembered moving everywhere, even if we really didn't move very many places. I was and still am a sponge to new places and love soaking up the flavor. I can't ask the same of my daughter. I always wanted to be on my own and be independent. I dreamt of the day I could move out on my own and never be told I couldn't go somewhere. For my prom in highschool I travelled instead of paying the money for a dance.

I just feel like I am missing out on so much. It is even harder that I don't have the degree to take me places. Not that a visual communications degree would do that, but it has to be better than nothing.

I make plans and I falter. There is a girl inside of me who still wants and needs to shock people. There is a woman typing that I can't recognize in the mirror.

Maybe I boo hoo too much and am being selfish. All I can say is I guess I will see.

So I don't go to my church anymore. It is a Unitarian Church. I don't know that I believe in a God per-say or the organized church's definition anyway. Something has recently made me quite irate recently. A website talking about a country in Africa stricken with a high rate of AIDS/HIV has free clinics run by catholic churches. Well a lot of times they don't have enough medicine to treat things that are AIDS/HIV related so they have to send people to a hospital 10 or 20 miles away. Most of the time those who are sick just end up going home. And all the sisters do is pray they don't spread it. That is fucked up. I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate language for some of you but seriously. Why do I think it's fucked up, well why aren't they teaching these people about condoms? Why aren't they handing out birth-control so that they aren't spreading it to each other and having babies that have no chance of survival! What the hell? How are they helping? You can teach abstinence till the cows come home, but our basic primal needs and responses will have us screwing until there isn't anymore to do. This why I think religion is whack and churches aren't helping. Common sense people, if God gave us brains didn't s/he expect that we'd use them? I have a conspiracy theory that if a woman were running the churches, there would only be one.

Whatever... I've gotten so off topic.

Ok... I feel sad. I miss my husband, but know I will see him soon!