One Little Word 2012

I turned 35 fourteen days ago.  Just like every birthday, I never feel like I am any older until about halfway through the year.  I didn’t realize I was 34 until January last year, just after I had turned 34.  2011 wasn’t exactly a great year for us, but I can say it wasn’t the worst year of my life - I haven’t had one of those yet and I’m sure that we are better off than a lot of other people, so I feel happy about being about to hold my head above water - even my shoulders and probably am treading water about waist high right now.  And that is all fine.

2012 will be a better year.

Things that happened in 2011:

• Shanee turned 37, I turned 35, Hana became a teenager at 13!
• Hana started public school again after being homeschooled for a year.  Which to my surprise, landed her in honors classes.  I have to admit I didn’t think I was doing all I could for her.
• I was laid off, voluntarily, from my job April 2011 and moped around the house in my pj’s for a long time.
• I had a series of mental breakdowns, probably related to the lay-off ( I didn’t really think it would hit me so hard)
• Over the summer Shanee had to see a Cardiologist for a blip on his EKG.  That wasn’t fun.  It’s called a Myachardial Ischemia.  He had a series of tests done, including a radioactive stress test and they couldn’t find a thing.  We went vegetarian and his cholesterol and blood sugar numbers went WAY down!  Yay!  He has to see the cardiologist again in May for another series of tests, but I am hoping and praying that we are better and at the least the same, not worse.
• Shanee and I both lost weight.  I lost 50 lbs!  Which had been my goal for 6 months, to lose 50.  And Shanee lost 10!  We are both very happy about that!
• Hana has read almost all the Warriors series of books and some Japanese Manga books.  She is doing really well in her Honors classes and we are very proud of her!
• Hana played rec soccer after taking off a year and was asked to join a comp soccer team, which of course made us BEAM because she was ASKED TO PLAY.  That meant a lot to her too.
• I got my license as an esthetician in the state of Florida.  I am now considering being a hair dresser, I mean you only live once and I’ve always wanted to do it!
• We had considered moving to Charlotte, NC.  But have decided (in 2012) that we really didn’t give our area a good enough chance, Shanee has a great job here and will probably be rehired next year, and Hana just started to make friends - we think we’re going to work harder at becoming more involved in the community.
• Since going veg I have learned to cook more things that I ever had when we ate meat, I plan on learning even more and documenting along the way in 2012.
• We had to give up our beloved cats, Scar and Hobbes.  It was more horrible for Hana than it was for Shanee and I.  Only because we fully understood the reasons were financial and not emotional.  We were/are emotional.  We loved those cats, loved them.  But they were too much for us, we are running on financial fumes at this point and they were becoming a burden.  It also didn’t help that they were peeing on our furniture and tearing it up and possibly peeing other places in the house.  So it wasn’t JUST that we couldn’t afford to keep feeding them, it was we couldn’t afford to continue to replace the things they kept ruining.  We eventually had to put them outside, but we knew that was really not healthy for them or us.  They needed a family that would take them in and have the attention and finances they deserved.  At any rate, I am on the verge of tears right now but I know we did the right thing and I know they are in a better place.  We took them to the Humane Society and donated a hefty chunk to them as well - partly Christmas monies from family, but enough so that we could help support the charity that would support our cats and find them new homes.

But like I said, 2012 is going to be a better year.  It’s a Myan year!  Ha!  I’m 35 this year, Shanee will be 38 and Hana will eventually be 14, urgh!  I have plans this year to become a better … overall.  The … stands for a blank that I can fill in when I need.  My first … is to become a better documentor.  I need to document our lives more, and so  I am initiating a Weekly Project Life goal.  I’ve followed Ali Edwards for years and admired her creative, organized, and entrepreneurship style!  This year I am going to try my hand at the first two.

I’m contemplating taking an online class that might help spur my creativity.  It’s called One Little Word and is hosted by Ali Edwards.  I’ve admired Ali for taking intiative in life and creating her life the way she wants it.  She has a lot of readers and commenters on her site.  She asked for words that people want to be their word for the year.  My word is FORGIVENESS.

I don’t need to forgive anyone, well anyone other than myself.  I put a lot of pressure on myself.  This keeps me from doing anything!  If I’m not 100% perfect at it, I won’t even try it!  Isn’t that sad?  So, forgiveness is something I’m trying to learn.  I need to forgive myself for being a perfectionist and do it anyway.  Nike has a great mantra, Just Do It.  That is my Mantra for the year.  Just Do It.  I’ve become closeted by self-doubt and low self-esteem.  I always start the year wanting to do more and be better, but it’s hard and I have these grandious visions of a perfect Martha life and I can’t really be expected to be anything more than who I am RIGHT NOW.  Slow and steady.  Baby steps.  Great mantras.  But, Just Do It tops them all.