Not sure how I feel right now

I just got a call from my dad. My grandfather is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. I would call someone to talk, but no one is available - even my mom who doesn't like that side of my family - isn't available. I can't talk to my brother, he doesn't give a shit about them either.

I shouldn't either. I'm not crying but I want to. I don't think it is because he's going, I think it is because of what he missed out on - us.

When my parents' divorced I was 13 and my brother was 10. It was very hard for my brother and I. My mom went kinda crazy, my dad and her fought more than ever. We became very poor and were evicted out of our house, we didn't have a car, we could barely afford food and believe it or not my mother didn't qualify for food stamps back then. We made it, obviously, but with no help from my dad's side of the family. No one ever called or offered to get my brother and I and feed us, to help us, to spend time with us. My grandmother at one Christmas told me, when I took an unopened present to her and asked if it were for my mom, she told me that my mom would never be gotten a present again nor was she ever welcomed there. They are very traditional and even though my dad was killing us financially with a gambling problem - they could see no problem. Anyways, that was my life. No help. We went to my grandparents when my dad was around and we felt like the adopted children who know one really wanted. Of course, we've always been welcomed back with open arms, there was never any remorse or any effort made on their end to include us even though we are related by blood.

Great now I am crying. And I have a meeting in 12 minutes.

Buck up Jus. They lost out, not you.